i'm emo

i think i'm insane. maybe, berserk is a better word.

why? i never started with a good morning.

firstly, i didn't sleep well due to some tradegy.

sin's friend, well, had gone forever last night, in a road accident.

i'm so worried about him. sin was upset. i can hear from his voice.

and i'm sorry about what had happened, sorry for not being there for him.

i feel so... useless, suddenly. like i was no help to anything.

second, i didn't get to sleep well last night.

despite the first reason i mentioned, i was suffering from, this heartache, which is not suppose to be.

i feel pain for Edward. yes, i finished ECLIPSE. and i LOATHE it! not all of it, not the part where Edward and Bella was too sweet. :) but it's the worst book among the four.
how could Bella be so 'generous'? in love with two guys at one time, when one of he cherish her to bits, loved her so well - when Edward is so perfect?

how could she honestly be so mean to him?!

i would, i could love Edward better. if i had the chance.

i know, as stupid as i am, it really does hurt my heart.

and Edward was so unselfish, excusing her from all this by just one fact. 'you're a human.'

....oh Edward.

i honestly do envy Bella so much. i don't hate her, just mad at her for not knowing how lucky she is, to have everything i ever wanted.

hmm, thank god i already read it once. because it would have hurt MORE when i have no idea about the HAPPY ENDING.

YEAH, i watched New Moon AGAIN, with my family.

daddy was, well, as expected, bored of the movie.

he was like, the whole movie is about 'i sacrifise for you; you die for me; romeo & juliet' ...

daddy was funny. :) but at least he didn't snore while he was asleep. that's a relief.

mummy was better, she atually enjoyed the movie. she said the story was nice. i'm glad. but she choose the blonde vampire - one of the three Volturi - was it Caius? or Marcus? i don't know. but i was SHOCKED. i tried to convinced her Edward is way much more breathtaking. :)

he does for me, so drop dead gorgeous.

back home, i called sin.

according to him, his friend's girl was crying so badly.

of course, who wouldn't? after 2 years of relationship, who wouldn't?

to deal with the losing part was okay, you know, time heals and everything.

but the worst part - which i personally think - is the after,

is how to deal with all the thoughts in your mind that used to have him in it, the plan you had all fixed to share with him.

how is it possible to erase someone from your future&past when you had loved him so much? when he was so close to you a few seconds ago? when he was so real...

i pity that girl. i will never understand how she's feeling now, or so i wish i would never have the chance to.

all the best, girl. i wish you all the best...

if a girl is even allowed to dream the impossible, the only one thing i would wish for, Edward. maybe, it's not Edward, maybe it's the love he had for her. the love that forever is possible...

i want to cry out loud, i feel so emo, but there's nothing in my life now that i can cry for.

i should be following page by page on the quote. but not for today.

i love this the most, it's not from Twilight, but New Moon.

*Edward: ‘Before you, Bella, my life was a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason…And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, where the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for everything.’

love, cong