i'm not dead.

sorry people! i know, i know. it's been heck long that i didn't update my blog.
i'm so sorry. i was too busy! really really busy..with my assignments. :(
i hate assignments! ugh! really!!!
so, how's everyone?
i was really shock when i heard that cowie is leaving us soon. it's was on the morning when i was on my way to HatYai, cheesing text me. :( another one...haiseh. ALL THE BEST! we'll be having a gathering/birthday celebration for sai, wen, tee/farewell for cowie this saturday. 6pm! at Ou, Canton-i...*i think. anyway! just be there~ :D

the traffic was so smooth this morning, awfully smooth. i guess, this is because of the Hari Raya? well, i planned to come to Uni early, so that i can ask about my assignment's word limit. i drove from 7.12 and reach at 7.58 ( plus the time that i spent on searching for a carpark...-.-' ) i hurried to that AUP staff room, and find that she won't be here until 9.30am, which is the time my class starts. o.o pooor me. i had nothing else to do, and so..i'm here. :)

yup! i went HatYai that day, Saturday. :) daddy drove there. we started our journey at 6 am. usually, we will arrive around 11-12pm. but, the traffic was so bad. can you imagine we were stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of a highway?! imagine the amount of cars! even the rest area were so bloated! o.o it was really hard...you know, queing up for the washroom. grrrr. and the washroom was not even worth for queing up!! ugh.
but i don't regret of suffering all those and then finally reach HatYai. i get to eat my favourite beef noddle soup! :D it's the best! i can guarantee you that you will never find one in malaysia!! :D yummmy~ come to think of it now....i feel like eating...*bluek. by just the thought, it makes me drool......haiseh. everything there are quite cheap, i guess. like, a t-shirt worth 100Bht, will be rm10. :) yup, you minus the last figure away!! :D :D but i only bought two dresses...and an umbrella. ;p a shower cap, a sanrio file, a PINK HUMONGOUS luggage bag. :D :D hahahaha!! it's only rm299! cheap right? ;p
the only grudge i have? i was able to taste those street snacks this time...was in a 'soon-to-be-sick' status..that's why! mummy wouldn't allow us to eat..those super HUGE FAT prawns! BBQ cuttlefish~~ AHHH!! i'm gonna miss it so much~~
oh! and i touch a real elephant! it was like, one foot away from me. ;p the texture..was so...rough yet tickle-ish! hahaha. :)

hmmm, i enjoyed best during the car trip. :) we chat along, joke alone..talk about future...:) :) hehe. those were great! i reach home at monday and as soon as i got back...:( i had to rush so badly for my assignment..haiseh. :( just finish it yesterday......

love, cong.

bye bye.

i dedicate this song, mariah carey - bye bye, to my lost love ones...brownie, pongo, fifi and simba.

i miss you so..... ... ... ... ...

tell me what to do...



love, cong.

in loving memories of , my dear brownie♥♥♥

today is a long day for me,

honestly, i don't have the mood to blog.

but i had to.

this pain, is excruciating.

i lost one of my love ones,

and ..he had been with me since 1999, almost 10 years.

i still remember when i first got him,

i didn't wanna attend cosmotots because i was so eager to spend time with him.

he slept at my mummy's toilet.
he was still so young that time, so cute, so small...

and then he grows,

fierce, but still cute.

i can still see how he runs, he hops like a rabbit, with his fluffy short legs.

always makes me laugh so big.

10 years, flew by so fast.

i never realise it before it hits.

he watched pongo left us, he watched fifi left us, and simba too.

he watched felix joined us, jojo joined us, jackjack joined us, rufus joined us, and finally the last one he'd see...phumbaa.

he watched me, got in a relationship with my ex, then breakup.

he watched how i met my gang...

he watched we move to our new house. that time, he didn't wanna leave our arms, although usually he only stays like a minute there. .. he was afraid,

afraid that we will abandoned him...

but now,

why?

why did he abandoned us?

.....

i really don't know what to say,

memories seem so little now.

but i know, it's just burried in me.

inside, deep inside...

i saw him growed.

young till old,

hyper till weak,

happy till grumpy...

everytime after i walked him,

his legs will shiver, just like the old ones.

i had took good care of him this 10 years,

of course, this two days too.

i saw it, with my own eyes,

that he had growed so weak...until he couldn't walk anymore.

laying down there, the whole day.

just like any old ones, he lost his self control,

he'd pee as he's laying...

but yet, he called for us, like as if, he didn't wanna do so, but is left with no choice.

i saw him gasping so hard for air...

saw him lost his breathe,

saw him look at us for the last time,

i touched him for the last time,

i know, my hand couldn't let go of his soft fur..the texture..that had been with me for so long..

slowly...he stop breathing....

stiff like a stone..

but then, he was still cute to me..

just like old times...

although i've been through this so many times,

but the pain..never goes..it's still so..so...hard..

i miss him....

so much...

i wish, i could hold him in my arms again...

walk him again..

i just wish so badly he can come back...

i don't wanna lose him....at all.....

brownie...i love you, forever. you'll always be in my heart...

i just wish, you'll get a better life for your next one....i love you so.

may you rest in peace.

p.s//i could see it walking away from us...emotionless. like the old times when we walked him....accepting the faith that we didn't want to..

love, cong.

给你，和你们的七年。

或许你们连看都不想，
但请原谅我的执著。

七年，
你说，不长也不短。
回忆如此清晰，
那时候的我们，
依然坚信。
但是，现在。
时间的洗礼，
岁月的折磨，
我们还是会像以前那样吗？

我，心痛。
却让懊恼；生气取代了一切。
我不想和你吵，
可你却一次又一次的攻击我。
我想保护我自己。
也要你知道我到底有多痛。
谁，会明白？

我，没有你想的那样坚强。
外表总是光鲜亮丽的我，
很需要你们的肯定！

我不说，
只是不想为难。
我知道，
你们对我的期望。
所以，
我不能说！
我，不能，
像她们一样，
任性地撒娇，
不断的要求。。。
我不能，
我。。。不被允许这样，
只因为，我和你经历过一样的青春！

没有过分的期望，
我静静的忍让，退让，承受所有你们都以为理所当然的。
为的是，
那一份被珍惜的感觉。
可，
我真可悲。
对你们来说，我这，却是无理的奢求。

有时候，
我会想，
如果，有那么的一天，
我不在了。
没有人，再会对你们唠唠叨叨。
没有人，再会对你们说，不可这样，不可那样。
你，是否才会发觉我的存在？
我曾经的付出？曾经的重要？

我，累了。
可悲的是，累的人，仿佛只有我一个。

也许，我真的太在乎你们了，
在乎到，我连我谨所有的自尊都甘心放弃。
对不起，
我不晓得，原来爱你，会造成你的困扰。
会让你反感，
。。。会让你嫌弃。
我想，是我做的不够好，
才没让你们看见。

这些年来，
我努力去做好一个朋友该做的一切，
我似乎没有让你们失望过，不是吗？
我不想有谁认为自己被冷落，
所以，从来，手信一个也没少过。。。

我会时常问你，
钥匙圈在哪？手机雕饰弄丢了？
那是因为，
我想让你们明白我的心意，
而后珍惜它。

可，我对你们来说，应该是一个永远长不大的小孩，在占领地盘吧？
呵！
真可笑。

我不想和你吵了，
是因为，我喜欢你，所以，我又退让了。
你爱怎样就怎样吧。
反正，我已习惯。
反正。。
无论我再这么说，
心，还是抹去不掉你们的身影。
请原谅我的执著，原谅我做的不够好，原谅我的一切。

祝我们。。。友谊永固？
可以吗？
我可以，幼稚一次吗？

我爱听这首歌，已经在很多年前爱上了。
它写出我想说的全部。

世界末日-周杰伦
想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪，
点点头承认自己会怕黑。
我只求，
能借一点的时间来陪，
你却连同情都不给！
想哭来试探自己麻痹了。。。
没全世界好象只有我疲惫。。。
无所谓，
反正难过就敷衍走一回，
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞。

天灰灰会不会。
让我忘了你是谁？
夜越黑，梦违背，
难追难回味，
我的世界将被摧毁。
也许事与愿违。。。

累不累，睡不睡，
单影无人相依偎。
夜越黑，梦违背，
有谁肯安慰？

我的世界将被摧毁，
或许颓废也是另一种美。。。

p.s//曾经的宠溺，还在吗？曾经的耐心，有留下来吗？我，一直都在啊。。。

love, cong. almost broken.

awful.

i had THE WORST DAY ever!
first, the pasrking sticker darling cind helped me to register..that stupid old hag from the management took it back without returning my rm40! she said i couldn't park there as i don't stay there!! what the fcuk!? why can academic staffs park there then!? they DON'T STAY there, literally i mean. ugh! she even said i TRESPASS?! hello!? you know the definiton of trespassing?! i had the permition from YOU, which is the STICKER okay! grrrrr. i CURSE HER!! UGH!! but it's was never cind or her friend's fault. they were just trying to help me. :) thanks darling! muacx.
second, i broke a cup in my house..:( thank god it didn't cut me!
third, i almost, ALMOST end up arguing with xen just now. well, we came across some sensitive issues. so yeah, but he didn't go mad, for me. :) thanks xen..i love you~
fourth, sin left me alone and went da gei~~ :( :( ...so mean!
hehe. JUST KDDING. ;p
well, that's about it. thanks rald, cind and ying for comforting me today. of course, sin baby too. :) muacx.
speaking of ying, she's leaving tomorrow. :( another one in my awful day list. i'm gonna miss her like crazy!

her bitrthday with sai, chun and tee. o8

yuchung's birthday. 09

qian's birthday. 09


xen's birthday.08
qian's birthday. 08
P&A night. 07
celebration for Moon Cake Festival at Sierramas. 07

i've know her for almost 7 years, but specifically, i only got closed to her during form4. :) really close, i mean.
she was always sweet, caring, nice, kind, and innocent.

overall, she's a darling!
very cute friend, and a very good one.

i gotta admit, i used to dislike her..:P why!? NOT BECAUSE OF HER ATTITUDE. it's because, rhumours has it! yup, rhumours said my ex liked her. so yeah. BUT! those were the days!

who cares?!

i love her so much now! i love her so much until i felt bad even thinking of the past. :(

i hope she forgives me...

ying bao bei, i'm so so so so so so sorry. :(

and thanks, thanks for stepping into my life and being my friend.

it's really great to have you with me, as i grow up.

i remember, how hard you tried your best to put me on stage again, during my Paramount.

you were always so supportive.

what can i give you?

except,

for all the best ying bao bei!
go finish what you're suppose to do, and what you want to strive for.

love, cong.

airport.

飞机已离开机场，
你选择了前往你的方向，
不再迷惘。
忘了我们爱得过往，忘了我给你的伤，
学会坚强。

maybe this one is not that relevant,
but somehow i just feel like saying it.
yesterday, i sent xen off.
was not appreciated...brrrrrr.
whatever.
i'm going to miss him so much!
:(
he kept on telling me he didn't wanna leave..
what was i going to do?
wrap him up and kidnapp him?
nahh...i told him, he's big enough to make decisions.
and he kept quiet..i know he understands.
me, sin, rald, hamo, sai and wen wei was there. ;)
we had macD. :) i ate mcflurry!! ymmmy~
i found a nokia e61 in the ladies cubicle.
xen wanted it for himself,
but i decided to give it back to the owner.
and i manage to.
xen's luggage was overweight, he needs topay like rm3000+, after discount rm2000+
o.o
we re-packed for him. :)
at 11.10?
we sent him off.
he hugged eeveryone.
he hugged me.
without saying anything...
i kept quiet.
maybe too much words..was worthless.
we said everything we could.
he walk down the escalator.
swaying his horse-taled hair..
which equals to goodbye?
and then, he vanishes into the thin air.
haha! no ler, he just went in.

bye xen, take care.
i'm going to miss you.
i hope i will be seeing you next year..
i love you.


love, cong.

mixture.

to my darling cind,

i felt so touched after reading the post.

silly girl! you made me teared.

and of course i love you. you're one of my best friend!! and i really wanna maintain this friendship.

you don't have to hope for me to understand, cause i already do.

reason for your silence.

i'm the fault.

i'm sorry.

i never put myself in your shoes and think for you.

i'm was not thoughtful at all. sin was better. he told me how you'd felt. at least, he guessed.

nomatter what decision you made, you must know, i'll always respect you. and i'm happy for you.

most of all, i really want you to be happy. :):)

i'm sure we will go on and on and on and on...cause i just will keep this friendship nomatter what. :) not only i will be here for you in the past, or now. but also in there future.

so make sure, you'll be there too, for me to be there for you. :D haha!

and hell yeah! i love you more than he does! hahaha. or maybe not...:p

i can't get you the things you want in one day time! ;)

♥♥♥

done with emo. :) :) :) hehe. i should be happy for my girl!! :D :D yup yup! *smile widely* sorry that i wasn't blogging for quite some time. been busy with assignments. ugh!! -.-" finally, i'm done. with one left, which is tomorrow. but it's okay, i'm okay with it. :) this afternoon, i had lunch with yuhmiin and hugo, accompanied by sin! we went pyramid. :) and i guess, this is what we call faith. for sunway is so huge...but then, i get to meet my dear darling, cind. *winks* dot dot dot...:) others, are history. hehe. i manage to get xen's and qian's birthday present! thank god! i hope they like it! cause even i, myself, like it alot~ we'll see, maybe i will post up the photo of xen's present soon. :):) as for qian, it's a tinted lipgloss. ;)

bitching with yuhmiin. :) i hope hugo gets his offer. i'll definitely cross my fingers for him. :):) hehe. after that, i wen to xen's with sin! because i had to hand him his present. ;) we were playing with it. yup! we! me, sin, xen, sai and wen wei! haha. guess what is it!? :D :D

had fun with them. :) was kicking, hitting, biting, pinching them! lol! i have a video to show you guys.

directed by : xen.

idea from : xen.

starring : sai, cong, and sin. :)

enjoy~

hahahaaahahaha! funny? i find it cute, especially when the idea is from xen. :p

something embarassing happen today! :p sin came into lecture with me today. i NEVER, EVER EVER expect Mr.Tee to notice sin's presence! but unfortunately, he DID! using his mic, he ask infront of the whole class, who is sin..and whether we are couples, making fun of us, with words lik e'aiyoor. so sweet, keep talking...' i felt so sorry for sin. :( he came to just keep me accompanied...he did nothing bad to get treated like this. sorry baby. :(:( really. i love you, so much!

the night before, they came and had dinner with me. :) then we chatted at the park for a while. :) i have a feeling i'm so going to miss that boy again. :( haiseh. today, when i leave his place, i hugged him so tight, so did he. i know, he misses me too. :) ♥ bestie besties best friend~ ;D well, that's what i get for letting him bully me for 7 years! haha.

aren't they cute? holding hands together. :)

the day before, i had lunch with cind, sai and sin in macd. :D ....as usual, FUN!

p.s// i so wanna thank one girl. DAPHNE! yup, you!! thanks for the eye lashes. how much issit? i wanna pay you back. please. i did nothing to get those. :) i was so shock and touched when xen pass it to me today...i didn't know expect this. that is very sweet of you. thanks. ♥ muacx. :) :)

love, cong.