kiss the rain

i've been searching this song, for sooo long..
i thought i will never ever able to find it, since no one i know, heard the song before..
i gave up.
then,
today, while i was watching Boys Over Flowers, i found the song!!
i'm so overwhelmed!!
this is the best piano song i've heard... ever..
Kiss the Rain - Yiruma

it's so.. sad.. yet so beautiful...
in chinese, we called it 凄美...
just like the rain,
its always saddening when it rains,
yet,
its so beautiful to see every droplets kiss the green...
it gives me the feeling of a girl.. a girl who's near to her death bed..
she's so weak, so weak till it hurts just seeing her..
yet, she kept on smiling.
she told me..there's still so much in this world, this world is too pretty..
but..
she's not that fortunate to have this...
she gave me a smile,
then..
fell asleep...

i'm suppose to be doing my assignment,
but i really need a break. so i watched BOF. :)
it's the best and my favourite series...
really.
i love the boys. Gu Jun Pyo, Yun Ji Hu, So Yi Jeong and Song Wu Bin. :)
they are all wonderful guys, how i wish i can have them in my life..
then again, Jun Pyo is my priority.
but now?
i'm not so sure anymore,
looking at how Ji Hu loves JanDi suffocates me..
it's so sad. he loved her so much, yet..JanDi loves Jun Pyo..
and i love Jun Pyo too.
i was wandering, who will i choose, if i were JanDi..
it's too much, too difficult.
Jun Pyo - loves you with all his heart, so passionate...yet
Ji Hu - always there for you when you need him..silently..
i wonder if i have a JiHu in my life..
i wish i have. then again,
how can i be so selfish?
i'd rather not..
because it's killing him..

cong is going crazy again..
she's so emo..
and she don't know why...
i need a reason break down and cry.
or else,
i'll go insane.
it's suffocating me..
pushing me towards the edge..
i need to cry to get it out..
i need to..

i can't take it no more...

help....
...
..
.

this is a song sang with the music, Kiss the Rain. not so bad. but i love the lyrics...
....

i'm not happy...

so not happy..



i want my junpyo, my jihoo, my yijeong, my woobin...

..
..

haiseh

uberbb busy

i'll be uberrrrr busy. :(
have tonnes and tonnes of assignment to finish.
so,
i guess. won't update much often from today. :)
sorrry. :D

before i end this post,
yesterday,
i saw this..one...'thing'
it made my heart beat tilll sooooooooooo FAST!
oh my gosh!!!!!

;) :) :)

superrrrrrrrrrbbbbb happppyyyy!! :D

i
SAW
a
BOOKSTORE!! that rent my favourite novels!!! :D :D


love, cong.

青春纪年册

i'm suppose to do my assignment, but i was busy searching songs to listen,
i found this old song of ours. :)
i can't help but to post it here!

i was listening to this songs while skyping with sin...
then sin called me 哭包。
yup, so i guess i don't have to mention how was i when the song was playing...
but when i listen to it again just now,
i smiled. :)
it's just...too much!
the song, the music video, the lyrics,
brings back all my high school memories!!
i really really really miss those days!
going to school, attending class, skipping class, having break,
talking, joking, laughing, crying, pissing..
oh my gosh!
what a life i had back then! :)

are you already sick of my post?
sorryyy! really.
i am abit worried that you guys are,
haha. ;p
but i really really wanna share this song and the lyrics here.
i hope you guys can feel what i feel from the lyrics..
those the happy moments of high school..
i can practically can see it crystal clear in my mind,
of us,
sitting in 5 Galileo talking,
sitting at the corridor joking,
having lunch in the cafeteria,
all studying for exams,
entering the MPH for SPM,
looking at each other with smiles after SPM,
birthday celebrations..
ohhh!
i do not like to live in the past,
but i do like to reminisce. ;)

seriously,
i miss you people.
and seriously,
i thank god i have you guys!
thanks for the memoriess! :)

maybe i'm not part of yours,
but you can have no doubt that you're already in mine,
so deep, so clear that it can..i know, it will..last forever. :)
even when all my hair turn white,
i will never forget how we used to laugh, and cry!
those days,
are always the ones i wish i could once live again... ;)

here's the video. i can't embed it. :( :( nor can i find it on mixpod!!! or else i will play it straight away!! i think because it's an old sonnnnng. :( :( :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSwx1XBAJtE


给你我的心作纪念
这份爱任何时刻 你打开都新鲜
有我陪伴 多苦都变成甜
睁开眼 就看见永远


给我你的心作纪念
我的梦 有你的祝福才能够完全
风浪再大 我也会勇往直前
我们的爱 镶在青春的纪念册


去年夏天 数着贝壳和浪花的海边
我们祈祷着明年的天
还能够保持这样无忧笑脸
你是夏天 有海风吹过棕榈的蓝天
让我忘记了眼泪有多咸
你一出现就是晴天


还想听你任性的说
要带我去环游世界
就算整个世界都改变
也不改变 为你勇敢的自己


给你我的心作念
这份爱 任何时刻你打开都新鲜
有我陪伴多苦都变成甜
睁开眼 就看见永远


给我你的心作纪念
我的梦 有你的祝福才能够完全
风浪再大 我也会勇往直前
我们的爱镶在青春的纪念册

一年以后 我们踏上了各自的旅途
虽然经历过不同的故事
仍记得海边的约定

还想听你任性的说
要带我去环游世界
就算整个世界都改变
也不改变 为你勇敢的自己

给你我的心作纪念
这份爱 任何时刻你打开都新鲜
有我陪伴多苦都变成甜
睁开眼 就看见永远


给我你的心作纪念
我的梦 有你的祝福才能够完全
风浪再大会勇往直前
我们的爱 镶在青春的纪念册 ( 是永远噢~)

p.s// i miss going to the beach with the whole gang!! let's do it again!! or Genting also can! please? :)

love,cong.

realization

i realise i cried easily now a days...

and i think the reason behind this,

is because i'm here in Melbourne?

yes, i admit. i do cry alot.

watching touched or moved moments will make me tear easily,

watching someone said sweet things to another will make me tear,

someone just doing something small for me, would make me tear too..

but now?

by listening to songs, will make me cry..

looking outside window during night time when everyone is busy, asleep or having dinner, will make me tear too...

even sometimes when i'm bathing, the thought of home, sin and my dearest..makes me cry too..

yeah..just the thought of you guys can make me tear easily..

i'm starting to think i'm being more pessimistic!

but i'm not!
and i don't wanna be..

i still laugh when i read something funny from the novels, watch drama,

i still sing. :)

i hum to myself, :D

i make fun of myself, when i think i'm silly. ;p

i talk to myself. ;)

i still talk alot when i'm out with cowie, chun, kyle or jiekai. haha.

of course, i still talk and gossip with my family, sin and you guys. :)

i can still think properly, listen to my friend's problem as well..

so, i don't think i'm pessimistic!

right?

i just.. miss home more. that's it! :)

but.
the only problem i have..
is sleeping.
i used to sleep before 12 back home! and all my close ones know...
that's why i'm never the clubbing type.. ;p *giggles*
now?
i can't sleep until 2! i mean, Melbourne's time.
which disturbs my beauty sleep! :(
i had no choice though,
the feeling of sleeping, offing the lights with silence everywhere,
terrifies me.
i will have to toss and turn, toss and turn, and then fall asleep at i don't know when.
but i always have loads wandering in my mind, and the most frequent one? 'can morning come faster?'
yup,
i don't know why...
why?!
i hate it most, because my skin must rest between 10-2, and i start to sleep only at 2?!
arrrrggghhhh!
no worries, i'm fine.
i can overcome it by myself.
i'm cong.
;)

that day, everyone was busy, no one online and facebook was boring..
i had the sudden urge to listen F4's songs. :)
and gosh! all those high school memories, the crazy over F4 periods, all came back!
i had to admit, F4 was part of my high school memories!
and METEOR GARDEN! oh my gosh! it was THE HIT! everyone everywhere were talking about them, not only Asia, but even in Western Countries! haha. :)
Dao Ming Shi, Hua Zhe Lei, Xi Men and Mei Zhuo! oh, of course, San Chai!
they practically made the word 'meteor' popular!
people were like hoping to see meteor rain after that drama.
it definitely affected me! :)
even though Boys Over Flowers is what i prefer right now, but back then.. F4 was my love!! haha.
they are old now. ;p hehe. i used to love Vic Zhou, better known as Zai Zai, :) but, i think the hottest for now is Vanness Wu! :)
their songs.. remind me so much...

流星雨，第一时间，我是真的真的爱你，要定你，为你执着，绝不能失去你，烟花季节，爱的领域，TeAmo, Can't help falling in love, 爱在爱你....
oh my god, oh my god!!
F4 is my Forever memories wei!
lol.
how can you forget the one thing you used to love?
even though you don't love it no more now,
but the moments when you really love it,
is something you can never get it out of your mind..
simply because, you really loved.
right?

can i just pull out my drawer, expect that i can jump into it,
and have a walk down to my memories?
i promise i will come back and i won't change anything that is done..
i just wanna go back and feel..the feelings that i used to have,
that i will no longer have...
those moments were great. :)
without worries, enjoying school life everyday!
now i know, when the adults say that school life, being a student is the best part!

this feeling is like, i don't know how to describe,

helpless? berserk?
you want something so bad that you can break down and cry any minute,
but then..you also realise that,

there's nothing you can do, nothing can be done..
because.. what's done is done..what's gone is gone..
nomatter what happens,
noone, can ever..go back to their past.
maybe that's why memories are so precious?

i promised sin for these pictures. :)

ABC soup. :)

Melted Butter & Diced garlice steam with scallops! :) *yummmss* the reason for not using a proper plate is because i don't know whether my plate can be use to steam. i'm afraid it will crack!

my whiteberry, engraved cover! it's freeeeee! :)

Pasta. :) before me eat!

Pasta. :) when i eat!! LOADS of PARMESIAN CHEESEE!!! :D

fried cabbage with prawn & carrots ; fried egg with prawn. :) like i said, i don't know how to fry egg properly, like flip it? no..-.-' haha!

my family's recipe. :) Beef rice, we have to eat because we need bloooodd! haha.

:) my marie socksss!! i love ittt~~

all my dishes are home dishes,

not restaurant type.

i wanna learn those!! :) one day! haha.

p.s// 空出我的怀抱，随时都为你保留......我只是舍不得用双手把你反锁在我怀中。这份爱，任凭你去挥霍，任凭你去要求，我还是为你执着，不管走到了最后是否会一无所有。就算你不懂我的心痛，不懂我的脆弱，我还是为你执着。不管多久，我会一直在这个角落...... -（为你执着- 仔仔）

love, cong.

the cost of growing up

i saw a video just now on facebook,
i guess everyone saw it already...
like always, i'm the slowest, the most out-dated one.. haha
i'm eeyorre~
anyways, what i'm trying to say is,
i get it. i so get it.
how you use to believe in your dreams, your idea..helplessly!
no matter who says whatever, you'll still believe in it!
those were the days,
when we were still young, still kids...
remember how hard it was for your parents to keep you silent for a certain tinkle idea in your mind?
but now...how hard issit for you to persuade yourself, to be persistence on that particular idea...

now?
like i said,
because we're no longer kids.
we grew up,
have tonnes of freedom that we didn't had when we were kids,
did loads of things that we wish so much when we were kids,
remember those days when we used to cross our fingers so hard? or telling a friend in a conversation?
'oh god! i can't wait to grow up!' and 'i wanna be an adult le!...ish..' or 'i wanna grow up faster! i want freedom!'
i remembered, and i regret.
how foolish i was to ever have said that!
i should have known, being a kid is only once a while, not even a quarter of your life..
but being an adult? you have THE REST of YOUR LIFE to be! to do whatever you want..
but a kid?
you can never do things like a kid again,
you can never see things like a kid again
you can never think ike a kid again,
you can never dream like a kid again!
like the video stated,
not believing in your idea OR being creative but with doubt..that's how you believe as an adult now..
it is..the cost of growing up..
everyone love that video,
but i have no idea why..
i cried when i watch the video..
because of the ugly truth..i guess.
or was it something else?

i know, to some, they might think they still can believe,
but how strong is your believe?
even if you wanna believe like a kid,
you know you can't..
cause reality..will soon change you, without you even realising..
that's life.

sad, isn't it?
no point regreting on the past,
cherish now! that's the best solution to this fragile life! ;)

uh uh, DON'T GET ME WRONG,
i'm not saying we don't believe anymore,
just with more doubts, more buts, more 'what ifs' and more worries. :)
i do believe myself, but also, there's a small voice down in my heart,
asking me, myself..
what if..? but.... can it be?

JUST IN CASE some of you guys haven't seen it yet,
here's the link. log in to FB first ler. ;) it's not a youtube video.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=483830584745&ref=mf

p.s// I'M NOT BEING PESSIMICTIC okay? :) just..getting to know the truth. :D
p.p.s// i realise one thing... maybe on the next post.. or else i have no other stuffs to post. :)

love, cong.

Jay Chou

Jay Chou.
he has been my all time favorite singer. :)
i mean, who doesn't?
mostly all the ones who understand chinese, love his songs!! :)
i personally love him toooooo much!
i grow up with his songs.
you know? :)
his love songs are always always touching...
different song of his, means different stages in my life.

when i was still secondary one,
晴天，reminds me how well was i loved by him.
暗号，reminds me of me and rald, modeling for Cultural week. with yih and chun too. ;)
安静，....the phone conversation everynight...
简单爱...

then, secondary two,
回到过去，....the heartbreaks,
开不了口，..it's what i wanted to let him know...

secondary three,
黑色毛衣，still..about him..
一路向北，....
轨迹，i was trying really hard...to forget

secondary four,
珊瑚海，... 海鸟跟鱼相爱，只是一种意外。
听妈妈的话，my mummy and brother started liking JAY! :)
菊花台，..mummy's favorite Jay's song.

secondary five,
世界末日，....it's what i wanna tell alll my best buddiees...

post secondary life,
彩虹， ... the past..
兰亭序，....if only i could turn back time.
给我一首歌的时间，reminds me of sin..:) :) :) <3>

you see? all his songs are there with me while i grow up!
i love him so mucch!
but mostly, of course..it reminds me of my past.
because his love songs are so sad. :(
i still like Jay though! irreplaceble wei!! :D hahaha.
below are my TOP FAVROTIES song by Jay, from different album.
if i'm not mistaken, he has 19 albums, and 194 songs. :)


周杰伦- 同名专辑
可爱女人
星晴
龙卷风
黑色幽默

范特西
爱在西元前
爸我回来了
简单爱
开不了口
上海一九四三
安静
蜗牛
你比从前快乐
世界末日
威廉古堡

八度空间
半兽人
半岛铁盒
暗号
龙拳
火车叨位去
分裂
爷爷泡的茶
回到过去
最后的战役

叶惠美
晴天
三年二班
东风破
你听得到
爱情悬崖

巡找周杰伦
轨迹
断了的弦

七里香
我的地盘
七里香
借口
外婆
搁浅
园游会

11月的萧邦
夜曲
发如雪
黑色毛衣
枫
浪漫手机
珊瑚海
一路向北

依然范特西
听妈妈的话
千里之外
退后
红磨坊
心雨
白色风车
迷失香
菊花台

我很忙
牛仔很忙
彩虹
青花瓷
阳光宅男
蒲公英的约定
我不配
甜甜的
最长的电影

魔杰座
龙战骑士
给我一首歌的时间
花海
说好的幸福呢
兰亭序
时光机
稻香

跨时代
说了再见
烟花易冷
好久不见
雨下一整晚
我落泪。情绪零碎
超人不会飞

:)
last week, i watched Inception with cowie. it was damn right a great movie!
hots guys + great story line! love ittt.. :)

i don't know what to blog larrr. :/
wrote something when i was emo...

有时候，我还蛮喜欢一个人的夜晚。
因为，我可以，无所顾忌的放任自己的心沉沦。
沉沦在属于我自己的世界，
沉沦在属于我自己的回忆，
回到我不可能会再有的过去，
尽情地，回味着。

没有别人，
没有未来，
没有现在，
只有我和那被设定为禁忌的过去。

不再属于我的你，依然美丽，
而我，却只能眼睁睁地看着你，
幸福地离去。
我原本以为坚强的心，
顷刻间，
支离破碎。

haha,
enough!!

love, cong.

boring friday

today is friday. DUH!

i used to Love Fridays, like seriously. because i can hang out with my friends, have dinner with my family, movie with sin or anything!

but here,

Fridays is always a day for me to think hard!

thinking how to kill timeee!!

o.o

gahhh!

whatever. :)

i can't help myself to be emo again,

my family is going out for dinner and a movie later.

i wish i could be there, so freaking bad!

then i thought,

if studying here two years is for my future,

then issit worth it to sacrifice my time that i could have spend with my family for my future?

my answer?

NO, not at all worth it. Not even a single bit.

but then, my mummy say Yes, it is worth it.

because i'm not spending my whole life with them, yet my future is my everything, my whole life.

so i kept quiet.

i know she would have said No if it's isn't for my future. i know it so well.

but i still don't agree.

she don't know. i would rather lose half of my future than losing the time i could spend with them.

like she said, i don't have my whole life with them. which is why i should spend more time with them ; which is why, it's not worth it to give up my family for my future.

seeing them all getting prepared to go out, kills me.

i kept thinking to myself, i used to be a part of it.

i can't stop remembering how it felt like to get prepared for the outing,

my sisters will always annoy me while i'm making up, coming into my room borrowing stuffs, or even coming in just for the sake of coming in..

daddy will always be the first one to get done!

waiting, impatiently for us.

when the Estima growls,

we know, we have to rush down now.

or else, daddy will be the next one growling.

the road to the malls?

i assure you, i can remember every bits of the view...

talking, yelliing, joking in the car is always where small bits of laughter arises.

then the car park, walking around the mall, yam-cha when daddy get tired, then walk again..

oh, i miss it to bits!

the early breakfast in ss2,

the afternoon yam cha in Bukit Raja Old Town,

the movie in Tropicana City,

Bat Kut Teh's in Bao Xiang,

Wan Tan Mee in K.L,

i miss those days. :(

but i can tell no one, i can't.

i'm forbid to.

i had all day to myself.

cleaning the whole house was the only thing i did today.

my brain was wandering everywhere while i was cleaning.

Pyramid came into my mind. :)

and sin, after that.

i can imagine if now, i'm in my home country,

i'll be walking aroud with him in Sunway, dragging him to all the shops in the mall.

he'll be asking me what food do i wanna take?

i'll be saying, anything. and so does he.

end up, he'll always bring me to the ones i wanna go.

because, sin is worried that i don't eat. that's why.

when choosing what to eat,

sin will always scold me 'one dollar also wanna save! eat only ler'..

after eating, he will say 'i know someone miss home already, wanna go?'

sin always knows what i want, what i'm thinking and what i need...

i miss it so much, to be pampered by him.

holding his hands in the mall,

leaning on his shoulder in the movies,

disturbing him while he's driving,

watching him sleep in the afternoon,

and waking him up in the morning..

my friends?

of course i miss them.

the yamcha session!

with qian, cheesing, yih and howelu in MacD. we'll be ending up in cheesing car's and talk for hours,

bitching, joking, laughing, reminiscing...

with rald, tee, sai, wen?

always the one to get bullied, not by rald. :) he'll never, but no doubt on tee and wen!

for sai? he'll just blab something out that make you can't stop laughing!!

dinner with xen and sai?

how could i ever forget? :) both of them are sooo.. words can't describe!

we always have tonnes of fun in the Park.

actually, i know..

xen, i know what i am to you. and i know you never have to prove anything.

but sometimes, i just feel slightly lost and i need you to bring me back to where i'm suppose to be.

you know?

i will never forget how you'd ask me to take care of myself back in your house.

sorry if i ever cause you problem. you know i only care for you. :)

dinner every once a month, the birthday celebration slash gathering?

is the best!

i get to see everyone.

my girls! :) cind, mo, ying, ru and kimmy! we will talk of anything possible! but usually, different topics with different girls! haha. but i love it. i love them! you know i do, right?

and the boys?! too many to talk to one by one..

but their attendance had say it all. by just seeing them talking to others,

joking and laughing with others makes me smile too.

i don't know why, but it just will.

kok? yuchung? hamo? chun? kengloong? wai wai? lee?

i won't miss them out, of course. ;)

kok, like i said, lame sometimes, crazy all the time! he can always make us laugh!

yuchung, the always absentee. but i know, he wanted to come soooo much! right? :D i forgive you.

hamo, my future family doctor!! talking to him always makes me feel better. he can tell me so many facts that i need to learn!

chun and kengloong? are the only ones left i have here in aussiee. :) thank you!!!

waiwai, aiyoor. too caught up in his own world. :) but like it that he is still him. haha.

lee, tsk! BOSTON is all i can remember! no, wait! Melaka too. haha!

and the after dinner session? usually in tee or cheesing's, sometimes even cong's.

that's when we are allow to go crazy~

because we are no longer in public! haha. :)

reveal the true us. *giggles

alchohol + coke is our favourite!

poker cards is something we can't forget!

FINALLY, the group photo a.k.a FAMILY photo! :)

i'm sorry that i was never a good photographer,

soory for all those yellings. *winks

i'm sorry that i'm emo,

but i just can't help it.

if only i could,

then i won't be me anymore.

i guess, things will be worst if it isn't for cowie and chun.

thank you! really.

and, thank you..i know you've been watching over me. thank you so much!

maybe this is inappropriate, maybe you will never see this, or will you? hmm. anyways,

i love you... :)

this may sound totally unbelievable,

i only realise it now, maybe it's too late,

but, i, ATZC, actually had fell in love with Malaysia long time ago.

i miss IT too. :)

i miss you guys, i miss you guys, i miss you guys,

when i said it 3 times, it means i really do mean it!

OKAY, enough!

Mike He, Mike He, Mike He. :) *just to annoy cheesingg. ;p

i promise cheesing to post this up.

is what i coook for dinner.

fried rice with beef and egg. :)

white rice with beeef and vege. :)

p.s//i had a dream last night. but, why issit you?

love, cong.

why? why? ♥

pictures can't show how charming and how lovable he is..
so i decided to post a video here,
hoping to share with you my favourite moments in the drama,
of course, there's more..
but, this is the cutest~ <3>
enjoyyy~~
WARNING : don't fall in love with Huo Da a.k.a 霍家恶少♥ BECAUSE he's MINE ♥



like it? cute?
AWWW! i just love the way he kisses her!!!!! AHHH! ;D
there's more.
their Behind the Scenes are cute too.
you can see they have really close relationships, especially Huo Yan. :)
he's totally different when he's out of the camera. :D ♥




saw it? haha.
i have no better things to do,
my family ask me to go walk around in the city, don't just stay at home.
but the thing is,
i don't know where to walk or what to walk?
hmmm.

love, cong.

:)

Yes!

i fell BACK in love with him. :) no idea why, but did.
haha.
the character he played in Why Why Love as Huo Da, is tooo cute + hot + bad + sweet + considerate!
everything i ever wanted. ;)
also in Devil Beside You - Jiang Meng. *i'm sure you guys are familiar with. haha. :)
yup both of him, me like it!
me love it. :) :)
aiyoorr, Edward and Huo Da and Jiang Meng..
how?
:(

there's another GOOOOOD guy, 100% good guy, gentlmen, everything.
He's King One :), 王传一，he acted as Huo Yan in Why Why Love, and Yuan Yi in Devil Beside You. cutteenesss~ :)
haha.
kill me. i'm annoying, i know.

but there's always this choice between a gentlemen and a bad boy.
the bad boy always gets the girl.
hmm, i wonder if that will happen in real life. :/
as much as i love bad boys, i think in real life, i will choose the good one.
because, it's better to be loved than love someone right? haha.

anyway,
i'll never forget the one quote. ;p
'girls like nice guys, love bad boys, marry rich guys!'
hahaha!
NOT ME. :) i fall in love because of love.
;)
which reminds me,
hmmm, you know the thing they say about,
if you really love someone, you should let them go, and if they're happy you will be too?
IF, love, is reallly really, with no other definition fits the one i mention above,
then i realise,
we, ALL, love better when we were kids as compared to now.
isn't it?
when i was a kid, i used to remember the feeling of just liking someone, you know?
so what if i know he likes another girl, i'm just happy because i can like him, and happy that he's happy.
but now?
you think this is possible? hmm, maybe. but the chances are real low..
so, base on my own opinion,
i think we love someone better when we were kids.
maybe it's because we were still young,
we know nothing,
we were strangers with jealousy..
we were not friends with obsession.. *haha*
or i should say, owning. ;p
so..

...
am i right?

love, cong.

because we're no longer kids.

i know that!
because we're no longer kids,
that's why..
we can't always be together,

because we're no longer kids,
that's why..
sometimes, we can't speak without thinking!

oh, how i wish i could be a kid again,
i can just tell the adults what i want!
most importantly, without thinking...

but now, i'm an adult myself..
i have to think before i speak,
it is what people expect from me,
we, adults must say things that will not hurt, offend, insult, and affect another one's feeling.
which is why, some of the truth are hidden..
just for the sake of meeting other's expectation..

being an adult,
it's something everyone should learn. and hard to get it.

oh, how i wish i can be a kid again...
telling my family how much i miss them..
at least, when i'm a kid i won't get scolded, or get someone irritated...
i hate myself too, you know?
do you think i feel all so proud telling everyone i miss home?
NO!
i hate myself for saying i miss home!
it makes me sound like someone who only knows how to whine and complain about the happening!!
i hate myself for sounding so weak!
i don't wanna be the victim!
but i really do!
what's so wrong about expressing my feeling?
and you tell me you're sick of listening?
do you ever ever know how i felt?
leaving home for the first time in my 20 years life!
living all by myself and adapting to this brand new life!?
look,
i AM trying REALLY hard..
and you from all...
say that you're sick??
i thought you of all, should know me well,
should know that i like being at home,
i cherish all the moments i had with my family.
doesn't that prove to you?
doesn't that give me a solid, concrete, strong reason to say i miss home?

...
...
...
...
...
...
or maybe... it is like what i thought,
though i don't want this, ever, ever to happen,
but,
is it okay already that i left?
......
the thing that i worried most is happening?
that.. we are already drifting apart?
please no!
no,
i don't want this..

as much as i miss home, i will never ever say it infront of you again.
cause,
that's what you want from me,
that's what you expect from me...

and you!!! you come into my life and ruin everything i have!
grrr. you make me sound like some mad woman trying to grab what she's losing!!!
i don't want that from myself!
i don't!!
but, you...you are helping you...
brrrrr.
i promise myself, promise sin, promise kok not to think about it anymore.



love, cong - so not cong..