because we're no longer kids.

i know that!
because we're no longer kids,
that's why..
we can't always be together,

because we're no longer kids,
that's why..
sometimes, we can't speak without thinking!

oh, how i wish i could be a kid again,
i can just tell the adults what i want!
most importantly, without thinking...

but now, i'm an adult myself..
i have to think before i speak,
it is what people expect from me,
we, adults must say things that will not hurt, offend, insult, and affect another one's feeling.
which is why, some of the truth are hidden..
just for the sake of meeting other's expectation..

being an adult,
it's something everyone should learn. and hard to get it.

oh, how i wish i can be a kid again...
telling my family how much i miss them..
at least, when i'm a kid i won't get scolded, or get someone irritated...
i hate myself too, you know?
do you think i feel all so proud telling everyone i miss home?
NO!
i hate myself for saying i miss home!
it makes me sound like someone who only knows how to whine and complain about the happening!!
i hate myself for sounding so weak!
i don't wanna be the victim!
but i really do!
what's so wrong about expressing my feeling?
and you tell me you're sick of listening?
do you ever ever know how i felt?
leaving home for the first time in my 20 years life!
living all by myself and adapting to this brand new life!?
look,
i AM trying REALLY hard..
and you from all...
say that you're sick??
i thought you of all, should know me well,
should know that i like being at home,
i cherish all the moments i had with my family.
doesn't that prove to you?
doesn't that give me a solid, concrete, strong reason to say i miss home?

...
...
...
...
...
...
or maybe... it is like what i thought,
though i don't want this, ever, ever to happen,
but,
is it okay already that i left?
......
the thing that i worried most is happening?
that.. we are already drifting apart?
please no!
no,
i don't want this..

as much as i miss home, i will never ever say it infront of you again.
cause,
that's what you want from me,
that's what you expect from me...

and you!!! you come into my life and ruin everything i have!
grrr. you make me sound like some mad woman trying to grab what she's losing!!!
i don't want that from myself!
i don't!!
but, you...you are helping you...
brrrrr.
i promise myself, promise sin, promise kok not to think about it anymore.



love, cong - so not cong..